Realising goodbyes

Every bye seems heavier each day. It feels like it is going to cut the ties too true. There is always something that you will come across and would want to share with that one person who just gets it. And if that person is not there anymore it feels too real, you see? So you keep it with yourself with a heavy anchor. Thoughts, words, life blur out and you are stuck on the tape that you last collected of that person.

And now, it is starting to feel like people are going to evaporate without any residue. It is hard. It is really hard bidding goodbye to people without a choice. Or maybe I did have a choice but I didn't understand the question when I had the time. I probably gave an answer meant for another question. Or perhaps I underperformed or overdid it.

It is weird that I don't see any lesson in it but just gravity. I do see a pull of gravity in my chest. Is it going to get this heavy each time? Will I have a clear choice to make?

*sigh*

I hope I never too forgetful about the people I genuinely care about. I hope I get a mutual physical, emotional space to show it to them every chance I get. I hope it doesn't get too real to not being able to hug people and wish them at New Year's Day or their birthdays. I hope my love translates every time, in some way. I hope I never stop adoring people for their little things and I hope they never stop receiving it in those little instalments.