Some Wishful Thinking

"People come and go. Things break and get lost. Memories lose room with days lodging in. Nothing seems to be of the same appearance even the next second. I wonder, with the transient laws of nature, how does a man continues to fail to register a sense of it's own; of it's own existence; it's out of the normal ways and its utterly different life lived. How does a person continues to look everywhere outside to live its life; and doesn't exist with a brain of it's own.

I have been constantly trying to grown myself from what i know of myself. If I were to appear for a Logotherapy session at this point in my life, materializing my vibes inside of me would be my purpose, my reason to exist. I guess you can't get to that when you don't even try to find out answers yourselves. Like, in school I thought tallying the answers with my friend was a quicker and more reliable way to do it. Even more, when we had to shift to using pens from pencils. We couldn't use erasers. The risk of being wrong was higher, and the fact that you can't hide your initial take of answering the questions made it riskier. We hated being incorrect. We hated being wrong. If only someone had shown me that except the one true essence, there are million 'ways' to answer a question. That making your own diction around that one essence is all that matters, actually. That life, the essence, can be answered in gazillions of ways and words or perhaps a word or two.

Similarly, my life/my existence, is something that I need to answer in my own words that I learnt throughout this journey. I cannot borrow words from other's narrative and put in mine. I would never understand what it means because it lied there with a context that developed over years and with me, relatively it attaches no context. " April 6 2020 00:25 am